i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize