for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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