it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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