i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
