the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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