dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
