It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize