Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
