A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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