did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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