wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
