told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
