Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I hate having morals and standards the next morning.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook

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(701): View more from North Dakota

My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...

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(301): View more from Maryland

I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?

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(425): View more from Washington

I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

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(469): View more from Texas

Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.

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(425): View more from Washington

...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.

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(469): View more from Texas

Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?

(972): View more from Texas

This is why american education is failing

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(732): View more from New Jersey

admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea

(908): View more from New Jersey

probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either

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