I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
