Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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