and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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