Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
