what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
