they need to just BURY HIM!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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