Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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