I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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