Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
