I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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