i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize