3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
