Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
