i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
