Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
