He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
