That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
