I'm going to jail i love you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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