It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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