So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
