i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
