forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
