Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
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Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
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Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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