I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is Oprah even human
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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