I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
