Your dad touched me again.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
