guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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