I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
