she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
