hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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