watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
