Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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