He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
