Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
