Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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