When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
