someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
