Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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