the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
