this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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