Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
