Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
