Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
