Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm passing your future prison.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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