so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Success! We fucked roommates!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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