sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
