Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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