I wish life had little blips of pornography
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
