you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
