I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
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You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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