i don't like sucking hair
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
