Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
