Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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