the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
