Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
