"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
