im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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